Overwhelmed, tired, sad, angry and did I say tired?......those are the different things that I am feeling right now.
There is so much to do to help Mom right now, the paperwork is unbelievable and I am being so careful that everything is just perfect when I complete it and send it in for her. Insurance companies can be pretty tedious. I don't remember the last night that I slept, really slept. I keep waking up every morning right at 2:30 with no idea why, sometimes I am able to sleep fitfully again and sometimes sleep simply evades me. I'm sad well, because we've lost my Dad and my Mother's heart is broken, I can't fix this one for her..... I'm angry because she shouldn't have to be going thru this. Cigarette's suck.............we are convinced that years of smoking stole years from Daddy's life. Who can dispute the evidence of the harm that cigarette's can cause, it is just too concrete. You smoke, your killing yourself and it isn't fair to those that you leave behind or those that your second hand smoke could kill..... Am I pissed about smoking, damn straight I am, I've seen too many of my mother's tears lately to not be.
Mom and I have been discussing wills and trusts and all of those ugly words that you don't like to think about needing but it has become all too clear to us over the last few weeks that life is fragile and can be gone well before you think that is should be. Things were pretty straight forward for Mom as the beneficiary but we got to talking about her will and probate...blah blah blah.... Which led Kurt and I to talking about what we need to do to make sure that our affairs would be in order if something should ever happen to one or both of us. We've made sure we have life insurance, but is it enough? We have a will but apparantly the courts can haggle over that kind of stuff for a year or more and extract their fees from the estate in the process. Nix the will, we are going for the living trust, it makes more sense and keeps our assests secure for our children. If you haven't read it, "Nine Steps To Financial Freedom" is a fabulous book by Suze Orman. She outlines many steps that you should take to protect your loved ones and yourself. Another important instrument to have is the Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. Kurt and I have expressed to one another our wishes should one of us become dependant on life support with no hope of recovery. Apparantly that is not enough, you need to give someone that would have the strength to enforce your choices the power to do so, so that it may not be disputed by Dr or any other party. Of course we have made sure that our will allows for guardianship of our children but that can also be subjective to the courts unless outlined properly. Much work to be done before I will rest easy here, we may not be wealthy but we are blessed and certainly want to secure our children's futures. It is something everyone should really explore.
I've had to get an extension on my classes, while they may be important to me, nothing is more important than my family and making sure that my Mom is taken care of. She gets my attention when she needs it right now, plain and simple. She has sacrificed so much for me and my siblings thru the years, it is the absolute least I can do.... I'll get back to the classes when I can. Luckily I have amazing professors and a wonderful college.
We are all looking forward to Tuesday. Mom and I have the same hair stylist and he has agreed to come to Mom's for the majority of the day and cut my hair, Mom's, Christina's, her son's and Morgan's. It looks like it will be a day of pampering and laughs, much needed TLC. It's those little moments added together that will work towards healing.
Kurt and I took the boys school shopping today. Morgan is with MeMaw and MeMaw wants to take Morgan for her shopping. They enjoy that time together each year, usually Dida goes but I think she will bow out this year. I've gotten most of Morgan's stuff already, I try to buy when they first advertise the sales so I don't end up searching for the darn dry erase markers at the last minute (Been there, done that!)but I am sure, knowing my daughter, that she will find something for her MeMaw to get her! LOL Kurt's extent of shopping consisted of lunch out and us getting Lillianne's shoes. We got her a pair of sandals to finish out the summer, she's growing like a weed....and the CUTEST pair of Nike tennis shoes with a hot pink Nike swoosh. They look like big girl shoes in miniature, they actually are... Lillianne insisted on carrying my Victoria Secret bag like a purse thru the mall and refused to ride in the stroller. It was cute until she began pulling out my new panties and bra waving them around.... I thought Kurt might be far more helpful by taking Lilli home with him and letting us get the serious shopping done. The boys and I had fun shopping for clothes and found what they needed for once. We then braved Walmart for groceries and a few last minute back to school items. They were able to get all of this accomplished without arguing once....amazing! But I'm tired and I made the mistake of breaking in a new pair of Nike Shox during the shopping trip. DUMB idea, my feet are killing me!
I know that I sound frustrated and tired, I am but I am also grateful for many, many things........
I'm grateful for all of our amazing friends that have flooded my email inbox and my snail mail box with thoughts, prayers and cards. I'm grateful for the plants and angels that have been sent here, the donations to various charities in Daddy's honor and the love that they express. Morgan's soccer team that she plays for out of town even sent a card and made a donation in Daddy's memory to his hometown church. We are ever so grateful and humbled by your friendship, your prayers and your love.
I've rambled, but this is my place to do so and I needed to.
I'm off to bed, hopefully sleep will come easily.
Hug your loved ones, don't forget to tell them how much you care and put any differences to rest, you may never get another chance to do so. Nite!
There is so much to do to help Mom right now, the paperwork is unbelievable and I am being so careful that everything is just perfect when I complete it and send it in for her. Insurance companies can be pretty tedious. I don't remember the last night that I slept, really slept. I keep waking up every morning right at 2:30 with no idea why, sometimes I am able to sleep fitfully again and sometimes sleep simply evades me. I'm sad well, because we've lost my Dad and my Mother's heart is broken, I can't fix this one for her..... I'm angry because she shouldn't have to be going thru this. Cigarette's suck.............we are convinced that years of smoking stole years from Daddy's life. Who can dispute the evidence of the harm that cigarette's can cause, it is just too concrete. You smoke, your killing yourself and it isn't fair to those that you leave behind or those that your second hand smoke could kill..... Am I pissed about smoking, damn straight I am, I've seen too many of my mother's tears lately to not be.
Mom and I have been discussing wills and trusts and all of those ugly words that you don't like to think about needing but it has become all too clear to us over the last few weeks that life is fragile and can be gone well before you think that is should be. Things were pretty straight forward for Mom as the beneficiary but we got to talking about her will and probate...blah blah blah.... Which led Kurt and I to talking about what we need to do to make sure that our affairs would be in order if something should ever happen to one or both of us. We've made sure we have life insurance, but is it enough? We have a will but apparantly the courts can haggle over that kind of stuff for a year or more and extract their fees from the estate in the process. Nix the will, we are going for the living trust, it makes more sense and keeps our assests secure for our children. If you haven't read it, "Nine Steps To Financial Freedom" is a fabulous book by Suze Orman. She outlines many steps that you should take to protect your loved ones and yourself. Another important instrument to have is the Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. Kurt and I have expressed to one another our wishes should one of us become dependant on life support with no hope of recovery. Apparantly that is not enough, you need to give someone that would have the strength to enforce your choices the power to do so, so that it may not be disputed by Dr or any other party. Of course we have made sure that our will allows for guardianship of our children but that can also be subjective to the courts unless outlined properly. Much work to be done before I will rest easy here, we may not be wealthy but we are blessed and certainly want to secure our children's futures. It is something everyone should really explore.
I've had to get an extension on my classes, while they may be important to me, nothing is more important than my family and making sure that my Mom is taken care of. She gets my attention when she needs it right now, plain and simple. She has sacrificed so much for me and my siblings thru the years, it is the absolute least I can do.... I'll get back to the classes when I can. Luckily I have amazing professors and a wonderful college.
We are all looking forward to Tuesday. Mom and I have the same hair stylist and he has agreed to come to Mom's for the majority of the day and cut my hair, Mom's, Christina's, her son's and Morgan's. It looks like it will be a day of pampering and laughs, much needed TLC. It's those little moments added together that will work towards healing.
Kurt and I took the boys school shopping today. Morgan is with MeMaw and MeMaw wants to take Morgan for her shopping. They enjoy that time together each year, usually Dida goes but I think she will bow out this year. I've gotten most of Morgan's stuff already, I try to buy when they first advertise the sales so I don't end up searching for the darn dry erase markers at the last minute (Been there, done that!)but I am sure, knowing my daughter, that she will find something for her MeMaw to get her! LOL Kurt's extent of shopping consisted of lunch out and us getting Lillianne's shoes. We got her a pair of sandals to finish out the summer, she's growing like a weed....and the CUTEST pair of Nike tennis shoes with a hot pink Nike swoosh. They look like big girl shoes in miniature, they actually are... Lillianne insisted on carrying my Victoria Secret bag like a purse thru the mall and refused to ride in the stroller. It was cute until she began pulling out my new panties and bra waving them around.... I thought Kurt might be far more helpful by taking Lilli home with him and letting us get the serious shopping done. The boys and I had fun shopping for clothes and found what they needed for once. We then braved Walmart for groceries and a few last minute back to school items. They were able to get all of this accomplished without arguing once....amazing! But I'm tired and I made the mistake of breaking in a new pair of Nike Shox during the shopping trip. DUMB idea, my feet are killing me!
I know that I sound frustrated and tired, I am but I am also grateful for many, many things........
I'm grateful for all of our amazing friends that have flooded my email inbox and my snail mail box with thoughts, prayers and cards. I'm grateful for the plants and angels that have been sent here, the donations to various charities in Daddy's honor and the love that they express. Morgan's soccer team that she plays for out of town even sent a card and made a donation in Daddy's memory to his hometown church. We are ever so grateful and humbled by your friendship, your prayers and your love.
I've rambled, but this is my place to do so and I needed to.
I'm off to bed, hopefully sleep will come easily.
Hug your loved ones, don't forget to tell them how much you care and put any differences to rest, you may never get another chance to do so. Nite!
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